What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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