Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
