Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
