DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
