yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
