I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
