well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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