neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
