i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
