Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize