i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
