Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
