I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
