It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
