Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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