Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
