I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
