Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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