I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
