I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
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