All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
