there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
