so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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