plz talk dirty to me
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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