I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I will pee on everything he values.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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