They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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