2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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