just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
