you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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