Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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