I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
