Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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