just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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