Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
