You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
