Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
