I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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