i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
