Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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