Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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