jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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