TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
