If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I fill condoms, not promises.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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