Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
