I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize