Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
