I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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