So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
