Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
