My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
