I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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