I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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