OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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