so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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