the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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