your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
