I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
