dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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