we have pet lesbian snakes
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
