Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
