I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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