the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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