thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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