I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
