Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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