Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
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