There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
