My first STD was from a foam party
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
