the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize