she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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