She is in my trunk
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
