How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I have already put on my inside pants.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
