seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize