i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize