Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
