also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
