I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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