Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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